Bee My Guest – Coming Soon

Posted on 2009-08-26 by

I’m happy to tease you just a bit here…

Next month I’ll be writing a special article for a friend’s blog. Jennifer Bartlett has invited me to be a special guest writer on her blog, A Pair of Bartletts.

beemyguest

Over the last few weeks, every Tuesday she’s had guests of all sorts writing on topics close to their hearts, be it writing, family, special needs children or adoption (many of which are close to my heart as well!). So I’ve chosen a top secret topic, known to only myself, my wife and Jennifer (and perhaps Rob, her husband). Want to know what it is?

Hint: It involves family finances and a four letter acronym…oh no! I may have given to much info there…stay tuned to find out more.

PS – There will be a prize giveaway for comments on her blog!

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Financial Opposites Attract…Duh!

Posted on 2009-08-17 by

Ran across an interesting article in the New York Times today called I Say Spend. You Say No. We’re in Love.

It seems that someone somewhere did a research study to find out that married couples have a tendency to be opposites when it comes to their spending habits. That means someone actually took the time and money to come to a conclusion we already know!

Seriously, money issues are the number one reason for divorce in the United States (and likely around the world). Some people are savers while others are spenders. Dave Ramsey divides people into nerds and free-spirits.

However you want to divide people into categories, the fact is that when you get married you have effectively entered into a three-legged race with your spouse. Work together and you can be fast. Work against each other and you’re going down!

So how do you get together on your money without having a big fight?

First, you both have to be adults about it. Realize that you are in it together and that you probably have more common ground than it feels like. Lay out your short term and long term financial goals. As the old G.I. Joe cartoon stated, “knowing is half the battle!”

Once you know your goals, you have to track and evaluate your spending habits. Having a budget or spending plan is essential. But even if you can’t get that far, you can start asking one simply little question and it will set you free: “Is this the wise thing to do?” (I totally stole that from sermon series by Andy Stanley, but I don’t think he’ll mind.)

  • Is it wise to buy a new car when we don’t have an emergency fund (or the cash to pay for the car!)?
  • Is it wise to send the kids to a private school that costs as much as college tuition, when we have perfectly good public schools in our area?
  • Is it wise to eat out as much as we do?
  • Is it wise to invest for our retirement when we have loads of credit card debt?
  • Is it wise to spend our emergency fund on a vacation to Hawaii?
  • Is it wise to buy a house with no money down?

You can see that even under these questions, some conflict may still exist. One more rule will get you through: If you can’t agree with it and have peace, don’t do it.

There can be no “I told you so” statements later on. You’re either both in or you don’t do it.

After all, the preacher (and the Bible) state that once you get married, “now you are one”.

Act like it!

Full disclosure here: Even my lovely wife and I don’t agree on everything! Gasp! I’m a huge nerd (king of the nerds in fact) and she’s a free-spirit (channeling Woodstock or something). It takes a lot of work and a lot of time, but it can be done.

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Noticing Andy Andrews

Posted on 2009-08-13 by

Yesterday I drove more than 100 miles to see Andy Andrews speak at Olive Baptist Church in Pensacola, FL. Was it worth it?

You bet!

Andy is one of my favorite writers, and it doesn’t hurt that he’s a citizen of the great state of Alabama like me. He’s also a great speaker and didn’t fail to entertain the gathered masses while challenging us as well.

Here are just a few choice sound bites (beware…some of them are so simply you may miss the point):

  • Proof is better than encouragement.
  • Little things make a big difference.
  • Sometimes there isn’t an answer when we’re in the midst of a bad moment. But if we gain some Perspective, we can be Calm, which leads to Clear Thinking, where Ideas form and Answers develop.
  • You have to ask good questions to get good answers.
  • Discipline is the mortar that holds the Seven Decisions together.
  • Intention don’t mean nothin’.
  • The Church is at a point in history where it is the most educated and the least active.
  • It takes discipline to do something. Nobody likes or wants it, but our attitude toward it is irrelevant. Discipline always pays off and brings with it progress and joy. After exercising it, no one regrets having had discipline.
  • Can you make yourself do something you don’t want to do in order to get a result that you want to have?
  • Can you start doing something now in order to get a result down the road?
  • Seeking wisdom is difficult. What result are you after in your life? What are the actions in your life indicating? Do your actions match the results you want?
  • Few live lives asking for the truth on a daily basis about themselves and their value and the results of discipline applied.
  • When people don’t know what to do they do nothing. He told about tent cities all over the US (including 35 in Nashville, TN!) where people are doing nothing…they may occasionally put out a resume, but otherwise are sitting around doing nothing, going nowhere!
  • The answer to not knowing what to do starts with doing something. Always remember to do something. Get up and do something NOW!
  • Don’t doubt the value God places on your life.
  • Just go out and do something to add value. Don’t worry about getting paid. Just serve people. They will take notice and value you, and offer encouragement and opportunities.
  • Our country is very divided right now, politically, racially, financially, culturally…but we are divided because we have forgotten the value of a human being.
  • How can we see what God places in a person’s heart and tell them it’s not valuable?
  • Thirty years ago political enemies during the day still had dinner together and were friends. We looked after each other’s kids, including disciplining them if it was warranted. Back then we valued each other.
  • Half the truth is a lie. Principles work every time. Just tell the truth.
  • A politician is only an actor delivering lines determined by the audience.
  • When we know what is right, we need only stand for it and smile…there is no need to yell or be angry because we know the truth. (see story on Frank Lay)
  • It’s okay to disagree, but be respectful and you will be heard. This is one reason why the boy at the temple was able to talk with the elders and amaze them with is understanding of the law…it wasn’t just because the boy was Jesus.
  • Be the kind of person people want to be around.
  • Smile when you talk.
  • Likeability helps.
  • We want to create a community that has influence that’s writing the script for our nation.
  • Everything you do matters to all of us for all time. Check out this video on the Law of Sensitive Dependence on Initial Conditions (aka the Butterfly Effect).
  • Who will have discipline, who will move and who will act…to cause a positive change?
  • Generations are yet unborn that will be affected by every move we make.

If you just scanned through those bullets, please go back and actually read them. Chew on them. I know there’s a lot there, but I wrote down so many notes because there was so much said. It’s worth your time. If you can’t do it now, hit print or bookmark the site and come back.

If you ever have the opportunity to see Andy Andrews speak, don’t miss it! You can learn more about him at AndyAndrews.com, and there you can also follow him on Twitter and Facebook.

I can highly recommend Andy’s books, The Traveler’s Gift and The Noticer, and I bought Island of Saints and will review it in the coming weeks (the first chapter is intriguing).


2009-08-12 James and Andy Andrews

2009-08-12 James and Andy Andrews


Thanks to Andy for signing all three books…my only regret was in not having the opportunity to sit down with him and talk. So Andy…if by some miracle a butterfly flaps his wings and you read this, know that I’m buying dinner if you show up! After all, we’re practically neighbors and you pretty much wrote this entire article!

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The First Day of School

Posted on 2009-08-11 by

Yesterday my son and daughter headed out for the first day of school. Remember that day? The excitement and the fear. The new school supplies (the sight and smell of unused crayons!).

Think you can reclaim that feeling? I think you can…

The first day of school is a day of new beginnings. There’s a date on the calendar. It sits there like bridge that you will inevitably be forced to cross. One moment your on one side…the next on the other. There are rumors of both great things and scary things on the other side. Do you cross the bridge or play hooky?

Ian and Anna on the first day of school

Ian and Anna on the first day of school

Your finances are like that. Those bills…they must be paid, one way or another. There’s relief when they’re gone (more when it’s a final payment!). There’s pain when the checking account is emptied. Oh, and if you cheated and used a credit card, that only means a more difficult crossing down the road.

Your career is like that. Had it with your job or your boss? Tired of the 9 to 5 grind, stuck in a cubicle detention center only slightly better than Gitmo? You hear rumors of better job out there, or perhaps you’ve dreamed of running your own business. But it’s scary, and it’s risky. Best to choose the daily bridge to the pain you know, rather than that other path into the unknown.

The truth is that you choose to pay your bills or not, and you choose to keep a job you hate or seek out something better. It’s a choice either way! And there are consequences (results) either way.

Why not take a new look at today and realize the choices you’re making? Make them instead of them being forced upon you. Take control of your future!

Choose today to read a book and learn how to handle your finances or find a job you’d love.

Choose today to seek out someone who’s out there doing what you want to do, and ask them how they did it (most people would be flattered that you’d ask!).

Choose today to take a class and learn what you need to know to make different choices and get to where you want to be.

Choose today to hire a coach to guide you over the bridge faster than you can go on your own.

You have to step out there and make something happen!

When is your NEXT first day of school? Is it today? Or is it sometime eventually when you get time for it?

Trust me…you have to put it on the calendar, get some fresh new crayons, and prepare to color a new picture for yourself.

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What a Weekend!

Posted on 2009-08-02 by

Taking my daughter away for a Daddy-Daughter weekend was a bit scary before we left. By the time it was over, we were planning for next year!

Anna and me at Zoo Atlanta

Anna and me at Zoo Atlanta


It’s hard to believe that we were away from home for just under 40 hours. In that time, we covered more than 730 miles driving from home to Atlanta, all over the city and back home again. We headed out on Friday morning and decided to hit Zoo Atlanta first. Then we were off to the Northpoint Mall to visit the American Girl store and have dinner at The Cheesecake Factory, before checking into the hotel and going for a swim.

Saturday we were up early to see the Georgia Aquarium (got there early and got through before the crowds), the World of Coke (tried 60+ Coke products from around the world, including Beverly from Italy…nasty!), a quick walk through Olympic Park and then a difficult drive to find the Fernbank Museum (enjoyed the dino bones and an IMAX movie). Exhausted, we piled into the van and headed home, but stopped for an hour in Montgomery for dinner at Ruby Tuesday.

It was a truly incredible trip, and I learned so much in just spending those precious hours with my precious daughter. Here’s just a bit of what I observed and experienced:

At nine, Anna is in the midst of a transformation.
She’s no longer a simple child, and she’s not yet a young adult. At times she’s clinging to her desire to be a little girl, wanting to play on the playground or be silly. Then in an instant she’s acting like a teenager or twenty-something, making conversation or eating off the adult menu.

I’m a “we’ll see” kind of guy.
Anna spoke nearly these exact words to me as I told her she had only twenty minutes left in the pool. Anna is a born negotiator, and immediately petitioned for thirty minutes. Without thinking, I said “we’ll see” and I guess I say it way too often!

She is braver and stronger than I thought
Anna recently attended a Girl Scout horse camp, spending five days away from home. She was generally miserable, except when she was riding. The notes we got from the first few days broke our hearts as she begged to come home (of course, the mail was slow enough that we didn’t get them until day four). But in Atlanta, alone with me, she wanted to go down the the hotel lobby by herself and didn’t freak out if we were briefly separated at one of the sites.

She’s everything I could want in a daughter
Anna is a genuinely sweet young girl, when a heart for others. She is intelligent and insightful. She has a wonderful spirit and I experienced glimpses of the kind of adult she is likely to become.

Sure, I’m a biased father. But that doesn’t mean it’s not true.

Fatherhood is always a daunting responsibility. But there are amazing rewards along the way as well.

I’m looking forward to continuing these trips with Anna, and when he’s older, with my son Ian. Being an everyday dad is great. These trips will simply enhance the everyday!

Anna and me at the World of Coke

Anna and me at the World of Coke

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