Or am I?

My stuff is gone. A laptop. A passport. Cards and ID’s. A notebook full of great ideas. My beloved Saddleback Leather Backpack. Even a stuffed monkey that’s traveled all over the country with me.

It hurts and I’ve got a lot of work to do now that this stuff is gone. But it’s just stuff, even the emotional items that can’t be covered by insurance. Looking back now, I’m thankful that I wasn’t robbed at gunpoint. I wasn’t hurt physically at all. It’s just an inconvenience.

I’m thankful that I’m a seasoned traveler and it didn’t send me spinning out of control emotionally. I just called the cops, Hertz (why must they flag their cars with bar codes?), my bank and headed to get a new car after the cops were done taking my report and finger prints (really good prints, too!).

No, I’m not really a victim here. I’m not going to act like one at least.

The real victim is the person who stole my stuff. They will have to live with themselves for having done it (and they will have to explain it one day). Maybe they were desperate. Maybe they’re just scum. I’ll pray for them and still hope they get caught. Because they are the victim of their own actions and getting caught may be the only thing that turns their life around.

The truth is we are all a victim of our actions–the product of what we do.

What are you becoming because of what you’re doing? Make it something good!

Time to tell a little story of integrity.

My family and I recently moved into a new home. Well, it isn’t brand new, but it’s new to us. Somehow we ended up closing just 10 days before Christmas. The holidays were full of chaos and excitement.

My daughter spent a few days in the hospital. Our new furniture was delayed and delivered on the afternoon of December 24th. Many of our possessions are still in storage as we enjoy the new home and settle into our new surroundings. Waking up in our new beds for the first time to Christmas morning was quite an event.

Now it was also a hard time for the sellers. They had to pack all of their belongings just before Christmas and stay with family for a few weeks before they could move into their new home.

In their rush they left behind a lot of little things—nothing of great value and nothing they said they wanted any more—just some cleaning supplies and nick-knacks.

So this is the story of two families in a bit of positive chaos, one coming and one going. But there’s a really interesting intersection that happened on Monday.

As I was packing the car for a business trip, I reached into an upper cabinet to pull down a water bottle. It was by itself on the high top shelf, one that I can barely reach and that my wife certainly cannot without a chair. I grabbed the bottle and noticed something else tucked up against the side of the cabinet.

It was a wad of cash folded in half. All I could see was a $20 bill on the outside of the stack, and my first thought was that my wife had hidden away some Christmas money so the kids wouldn’t get it.

Not wanting to blow her secret stash while my kids were watching, I asked her if she’d put anything up in the cabinet. She said no.

I asked again slowly if she put any money up there. Again she said no.

So I pulled it down and we were all surprised. I opened the folded bills to find Benjamin Franklin looking back at me…eight times. Andrew Jackson was there eight times, too. I was holding a total of $960 in cold, hard cash. Though as Zig Ziglar says, it wasn’t cold or hard…it was warm and soft!

My son’s eyes were huge, reacting exactly the way you’d expect from a seven year old. My eleven year old daughter had a wide smile on her face, no doubt imagining the pre-teen shopping spree she could go on.

But I knew in an instant where the money had come from (so did my wife). The prior owners had built the house. They were the only ones who’d ever lived here. The money wasn’t ours. It belonged to them. And I quickly told my kids just that.

Now I’m not telling this story to brag about myself or present myself as perfect. I’m telling it because I believe it’s a powerful lesson for my kids.

Remember when you were a kid? Remember how $960 was an almost infinite amount of money? And here was boring old Dad throwing it away. My son actually believed our family trip to Disney would be cancelled, even though I told him the vacation money is already in our savings account!

I want my kids to behave. I want to be able to instill values in them. I want them to know right from wrong and to make the right choices in life.

I can talk to them about it. I can tell them great stories from the Bible and popular history and even my own stories. And while those discussions are good, I don’t think anything will stick in their minds as well as seeing their parents return someone else’s lost treasure. They didn’t hear a story…they saw it play before their eyes.

I’ve been asked if there was any temptation to keep it. No, not really. And it would have been easy to justify: Finders keepers! They sold the house “as-is”. They told us we could keep anything they left behind. It would have been so easy!

But it would have been wrong and it would have been the wrong example. I wouldn’t be able to rest well.

So we gave it back. They heard us say it. They heard me call the prior owners to tell them. And they know the money is gone.

In appreciation, the prior homeowners gave us a gift card for a local restaurant.

Know this: when we go to dinner there, we will retell this story and remind them. Because I want them to remember every time they see that restaurant. I want them to remember every time they open a kitchen cabinet. I want them to remember when they see their parents. And most of all, I want them to do the same thing one day. To act with integrity and to act with appreciation when it is shown to them.

PS – I’ve been a liar and a thief and a cheat in my 38 years on Earth, too. This story describes the high expectation I have of myself and sets that expectation for my children. Thank God for His grace and mercy as we try and do the right thing…and sometimes fail.

I’m a horrific procrastinator (but I work well under pressure). I’m a perfectionist to the point of OCD. And I see every little mistake or thing that’s out of place (eventually).

To me, I’m not very organized. I love things to be organized, but perfection is an elusive master and I am her slave.

Still, the world goes on and one day slams into the next. Somehow, it’s a matter of just putting it out there and seeing what happens.

I dreaded finals week in college. The stress was thick and I would panic at the lessons I hadn’t studied for (I rarely studied) and assignments I hadn’t completed (see procrastinator above). But one finals week I realized that in just seven days it would be over. School would be out for the summer and finals would be done.

Somehow that thought was comforting to me. There was nothing I could do to delay it, so just roll with it.

Sorry that’s not a more profound post, but it’s real. It’s how life works for me, though I struggle with it all the time.

On Tuesday night, November 29th 2011 I’m hosting a free teleseminar to help offer more insight on planning and mainly why people don’t plan well. There are four key lessons I want to share, and I invite you to listen in. There’s wisdom here, even if I still fall into these traps myself from time to time.

Please join me — details are at http://www.woosleycoaching.com/2012-roadmap-teleseminar

In June I made a public declaration. I drew a line in the sand by saying that I would write and publish my book by November 1st. Today is the deadline. Today I have failed.

Well, not really. I actually failed a few months ago when I realized there was no way it could be finished in time. And I’m okay with that.

I could create a list of excuses, but instead I’d like to share a few things I’ve learned from this failure:

• 1) Deadlines are a good thing – Even though I failed to meet this one, it forced me to get started. The book would still be an idea had I not started.
• 2) Vision can grow – The book is underway, and it is not the same book I started writing. It’s going to be more and it’s going to be better. I could have finished a small book that skimmed the surface and met the deadline. That wasn’t good enough for me.
• 3) Yet – I’ve failed to meet my deadline, but I have not failed to write my book…yet! The work on the book continues and it will be finished, probably next year (new deadline TBD).

Zig Ziglar said, “Failure is an event, not a person.” That is true of me and my book. And it’s true of us all in one arena or another.

There are only two valid responses to failure. You can get up and try again, or you can give up and try something else. Either can be the right response depending on the situation.

So today I have failed to meet a deadline, but I am not a failure. Today I offer myself grace and persevere. Today I start writing again!

The only other option is to give up and never try anything again. And if I did, my heart would beat but my spirit would die. And then I really would be a failure.

What about you? Have you failed, or are you a failure? Which do you choose?

Note: This article will appear in the November 2010 issue of the Tri-City Review.

But sometimes they don’t make it.

These death spirals can pop up in other areas as well, and no one but a stunt pilot would enter into them on purpose. In business, we can be doing good work, but market changes or internal inefficiencies multiply, and before we know it we’re spinning out of control. Most businesses will just keep doing what they’re doing, hoping to do it better enough that they survive. Most don’t.

It happens in our relationships as well. We wake up one day and poof…who is that person we’re married to or in business with? Remind me again why we are friends? How did I end up hating my job? All too often we only notice that we’re in a death spiral once it’s too late.

What do we do about the dreaded death spiral?

1 – Learn to Recognize It
How do we know when we’re in a death spiral? It’s hard, but there are signs. Look for complacency or unjustified optimism. Look for silent arguments or issues swept under the table. If there’s an elephant in the room stinking up the place (trust me, both real and metaphorical elephants stink), and no one is saying anything about it, you are already there.

2 – Recovering from the Death Spiral
There is only one thing that can save you (beyond divine intervention or accident, and while I’d hope for the former, I wouldn’t expect the either). That one thing will depend on your exact situation and environment and can take many forms. The one thing is drastic and immediate change.

You have to stay calm and assess the situation. But you have to act, and act quickly. The longer you spiral out of control, the more difficult it will be to recover.

The status quo has got you where you are. Sticking to the same route will only get you killed (only figuratively, I hope).

Small changes may only mask the problem or give the illusion of recovery. You need to zig when everyone else zags.

John G. Miller tells a story in his book QBQ: The Question Behind the Question, about a father flying with his daughter. When the engine of their small plane cuts out, he smoothly tells her that something is wrong and he has to fly the plane differently. Had he continued flying as if he had an engine when he didn’t, he wouldn’t have been able to tell the story.

Drastic and immediate change in response to the circumstances, even if all you have is a Hail Mary pass.

3 – No Guarantees
By the time you realize you’re in a death spiral, it may be too late. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t try, but you should be realistic. Even if you do all the right things, you may not recover.

If I fall out of an airplane without a parachute, I’m going to do two things: pray and flap my arms. Flapping my arms is not a sign of lack of faith…it’s meeting God halfway. It may or may not help, but I’m going down fighting and I’ll have a great story to tell either in the hospital or in Heaven.

Can the Death Spiral Be Avoided?
Probably not always. But if you keep your eyes on where you are going and where you are, you’ll see when you get off course. Constant minor adjustments will keep you on the path. Fail to pay attention, and you veer off course. And pay full attention, and external forces can still knock you off course. In your life, career, business or marriage…be prepared and be alert.

What do you think?

No, it wasn’t on the highway…it was on the speedway. The Indianapolis Motor Speedway. And the driver was not happy about it at all.

Juan Pablo Montoya, former Indy 500 winner was leading the Brickyard 400 when he was caught speeding on pit road. His penalty cost him the race, and the extra $244,000 he would have earned had he won. Read about it here.

So what’s the lesson here and how does it apply to your life and mine?

1. Even in the go fast world of auto racing, there are rules that must be followed. If you don’t, it will cost you.

On the race track the cars can go as fast as the drivers and teams can make them go (within the other rules for engines, etc.). At speeds exceeding 200 mph, you wouldn’t think 0.11 would make that be a difference. But on pit road, safety matters, and going too fast endangers the crews and race officials. Sorry Juan…the computers got you on this one.

2. Push the limits, but don’t cross a line unless you’re willing to face the consequences.

At Indy, NASCAR mandates that the pit road speed limit is 55 mph, but gives an additional 5 mph buffer zone to account for variables like avoiding other cars and whatnot. Juan, like all drivers, was pushing the limit as hard as possible, because it’s much easier to pass cars with a fast pit stop than it is on an old, flat race track.

Juan was leading the race with a five second lead…huge in a sport where tens or even hundredths of a second matter. In pushing so hard to maximize his time, he crossed the line. It cost him the race.

We all need margin in our lives. Race car drivers are supposed to live on the edge–they can’t do their jobs properly unless they do so. But the smart ones know when to ride and when to race!

We are faced with choices everyday. Choices that approach lines in our lives. Choices to lie, steal or cheat. Be careful how close you put yourself to those lines, and be prepared for what happens should a “gust of wind” force you onto the other side.

3) Do things differently when you’re the leader.

Juan had a five second lead. He had margin, room to breathe. There was no need to push the limits. It was a hefty price. But he’s not thinking about the money as he tries to go to sleep tonight. The money is nice, but racers race to win. Winning or losing that race meant more to him than the paycheck waiting for him.

Breathe a little as the leader. Don’t get complacent or cocky, but lead with confidence because you have the advantage of your margin. Imagine driving your car down a narrow, winding country road. It’s tight, but it’s fun whipping through those sweeping corners. Now trade your car for a moving truck…a big, wide, heavy, stiff moving truck. The road is the same, but your margin for error has been reduced.

4) Monday starts a new week.

As much as we sometimes hate Monday’s, they are a chance for a fresh start. Juan Montoya can feel bad about losing the race for a little while, but there’s another race on the schedule that he has to prepare for. If he can’t let it go and learn the lessons from his mistake, he won’t stand much of a chance at winning next weekend.

You have to start over from your failures too. You have to pick yourself up when you get knocked down. Can you do that? Can you CHOOSE to do that?

Hope you have a great Monday!

Any thoughts? Leave a comment!